i learned that you have to screw what they say because there's never promise in anything.

give me 2 weeks

if you can have the ability to make me smile .. i will love you forever.

last time i checked it was still november - i need a life size calendar.
time goes by fast and summers already over.
i bought a coat rack from ikea 2 months ago and its still in the box - must assemble
what the point of shopping when i dont even wear the clothes i buy - wear clothes i buy.
the walls, floors, sharp edges and corners have the tendency to run into me - stop being clumsy.. especially around people.
i suffered from diarrhea and i spent the whole night on the toilet - stop eating DANGER foods.
im starting to catch back to school commercials already - remind myself about school.
school makes me emo and i'm gonna be a loner yet again cuz people are too cool for george brown
WHAT DAY IS IT!? - need to keep track.
lesson of the day: money is temporary - is what i should keep telling myself
i will never toot my horn every again. i brag how im never sick/angry and now i totally jinxed myself.
i burnt my hand at work which left no scarring or discoloration and i get payed 150 dollars for it when arden got bruised cuz of the oven that was turned on accidentally ... unfortunately he gets yelled at. - stop making fun of other peoples misfortunes.
david and i will always be a what if situation. we will continue on moving apart. - stop with the davidness
ahmed won brownie points from my mother because he gave her a free sandwich
ahmed is invited to my brothers birthday party .. i wonder how Filipinos will handle him
ahmed took my shift today cuz i had diarrhea
claris and i had a one on one talk for the first time about young pregnant 19 year olds that smoke and eat bad.
this season of big brother sucks.
tums actually taste good.
i hate he said/she said situations
i have this lotion that makes me tanned. now im DARK.
i have to return forrest gump, ghost and dangerous minds to my father cuz i stole it from him.
get well soon patricia. there will be more fishes in the sea.. but i shouldn't say that cuz you go fishing with matt all the time. so if it makes you feel better, im getting bashed by colin everyday .. and katherine saw cuzziebones family at the mall
stop being paranoid katherine, cuzziebone and company has no access to my lj
happy birthday and 2 days megan parez! id say that youre finally allowed to drink alochol/buy alcohol/ make people feel jealous who cant buy alcohol/use your own id to get alcohol/tell people youre legal to purchase/consume alcohol/ go up to people with a glass of alcohol and say 'loooOoOkkk i have alcohol'/ make others jealous and sing (8)blame it on the ah aha hahahaha co-hol and have a reason to because your legal and you dont have to hide the fact that youre buying alcohol... oh, and mentioning that you can rent porn.. but everyone already says stuff like that so im just gonna say have fun and take it easy with the alcohol!
happy belated birthday chris/ellie/rocca and so many other people i haven't acknowledged due to my lack keeping track of the months and days.
now im gonna listen to man in the mirror by michael jackson to empower myself.
this entry will not be read over or will it make sense because i am emotionally disturbed.

Lesson Of The Day: If you have a big heart never give your heart to one who has a smaller heart than yours. Find your equal.

- VTTM

i wanna rant

let's be selfish now (6)

there are days when i feel like i wanna chop all my hair off
it took my parents and i 6 different stores and 5 hours to find a dining table.. how filipino of them. i feel embarrassed when my mother starts negotiating
i feel FAT .. and im trying to down those 8 glasses of uninspiring tasteless water 8-)
my parents and i ended up buying the most expensive table at leons and our helper was named BAHSAM..
see people like US have to struggle with names like BAHSAM
BIRTHDAY SEX WAS PLAYING IN MY HEAD THE WHOLE DAY
the new guy who worked at country style messed up our drinks to the point where it tasted like ROBITUSSIN and he gave us the wrong BAGEL.. and he tried to cover it up by saying how it was "cool that colin was east indian"
hanna has the flu and we ate out of the same utensil when we had pork chops and im STILL not sick.. i think because i got my appendix removed in grade 6 that God is sparing me pain
i want my dad to put together my coat rack from ikea but he already spent 3 hours assembling our dining table/chairs and no one helped him :(
i love the rain.. and the thunder just adds to its divine-ness but some fucker ruined it for me by saying "i like it when its raining because no one can see my tears" now whenever it starts raining im gonna imagine that girl waving to me.
our topic today at Susannahs gay club was "why we love our family" but we ended up talking about sex and the different positions.
i met susannahs rebound girlfriend.. she didnt ask me how i was or how nice it was to finally meet me so i DONT approve.
food tastes better with our new table
i cant stand peoples facebook status's when it says LEAVE ME ALOOONEEEUHH! its like OK where the heck did you just come from.. no ones even doing anything
how come whenever rin on the rox is singing they always look like they're having sexual intercourse .. maybe theres a deeper meaning to "RIN on the ROX"
I WANNA PLAY NO GAMES I WAN YOU EXCLUUUSIVEE (8).. uhk THANKS katherine
my dad saw erica f working at price chopper and she gave him a free plastic bag. it made his day
my mother rolled this dice at leons and if you roll two 6s you get 200 dollars off whatever shenanigan you purchased.. tell me HOW my mother rolled two 6s.. trust me you wont hear the end of her.. she wouldn't stop talking about it in the car.. *filipino accent* "im SO goood, did you know, i roll dee dice?"
i have a new coworker named PEE-TAH and he used to work at baskin robbins
today is susannah's birthday and i wasnt first to greet her.. i fail as a cool friend
i emailed one of my teachers just to see how they were doing which is a milestone for me because it was the first time i made the first move.
we have no more ice cream in the freezer. there is no point in living.
i suck at running.. its not easy to take IN when people ask you why your hands flap like that while you run
i love love love the gay guys at susannahs group thing but they have all these weird names for themselves.. ok susannah is "jordyn monroe" which is kinda normal but all the other people have names like "twisted" and "shamarki" .. there was a guy i met today and his name was "bow chicka wa-wa"
i watched about a boy with colin today .. a "coming of age" tale
DR. PING!
my sister and i relieved stress by blowing up balloons and then popping them with chopsticks
one of the security guys at work look like rick ross.. he always sings and at first it was cute but now he over does it.. all the nurses are probably getting annoyed and talking shit about him now
i was bored last night because colin was watching tv and there was nothing inspiring to watch so i just surfed the net, googling 'tallest men in the universe' hi, i make myself sad
i was doing a crossword puzzle and "3 across" said "JAI_" and i SCREAMED OUT "HO!" my life was rejuvenated!
thinking about it makes me laugh cuz i remember siedah reenacting the blind kid.
i really want my coat rack :(
colin bought me a really big cup and im telling you its dangerous.. the first day i drank water out of it, i started peeing clear..
the reason why i dont have a lot of facebook friends is because i DONT add anyone unless your michelle phan and im desperate to stalk you
i saw this video tutorial on youtube about this lipgloss and how cool it looks so i bought it and i swear after putting it on my lips looked like SAND PAYPER.. frig you "abitnerdy"
dr. ho is so annoying he keeps appearing in my television set
i tend to listen to jazz music every nigh before i go to sleep
watching chinese shows on tv are somewhat entertaining cuz chinese people are so freaky!
colins working in both russel peter nights. he gets to watch russel peters show while getting paid..
I NEED GLASSES :'(
my cousin is getting into the highschool life.. i hate it when innocent immigrant kids end up being gangstery and corrupted.. shes talking to guys and now shes gonna have SEX
she got in trouble one day and she had to sleep on MY bed.. i dont want corrupted immigrant kids who had sex sleeping on myyy bed :@
did i mention i bought a coat rack?
this is a very uninspring live journal entry
my aunt MARIDEN bought a bracelet for my mother and my mother said "i dont like it" ... when i got home i asked where mariden went and they said she went back to alberta :|
i sweeped my back yard yesterday all nice and clean.. dirt free! and then the wind started blowing and all the dirt was.. ok i dont wanna relive it cuz i dont wanna be angry again.
my father didnt do my laundry for a month and i started noticing when i ran out of underwear.. i had to go out, commando!
... yeah you didnt need to know that
uhk fuck it i miss mariden :'(

i wish i can be a better person for you... but it already feels like i still wont be good enough even if i try

Congratulations! You just had a baby girl! What’s her name?
- SKYE

Congratulations! It's a baby boy! What's his name?
- "SUN" kidding um.. i honeslt don't know

When was the last time you were told you were beautiful?
- last night

Look at your recent calls, who was your last call from?
- suzie suzuki

What is bothering you right now?
- a conversation that wasn't fully settled yet

Who was the last person to play with your hair?
- myself

I'll bet you miss someone right now?
- I'll bet your wrong ;)

What does your last received text message say?
- "hurry woman!"

Are you high?
- my kind of high, yes!

What is your favorite color?
- BLACK AND WHITE

Is there a high chance of you going out to the movies soon?
- i was supposed to watch something for someone .. but never got the chance to

When was the last time you got a back massage?
- when i was at work and Ahmed wanted to prove that he has gifted hands

Are you easily scared by horror/thriller films?
- I LOVE IT

If you had $100 would you spend or save it?
- spend, I have plenty more of those anyway =P

If there was a large spider in the room, would you stay?
- yeah man

Do you regret anything you've done lately?
- yeah.. I tend to say things before I think

Last place you went out to eat?
- spring rolls with VIJAYJAY LMAO

Where are you right now?
- stuck at home cuz i have to clean me roooom

Are you listening to music right now?
- o town :| don't ask

Do you have any enemies?
- honestly? no

What are you doing?
- the usual, cleaning and loafting

How's the weather today?
- FUCKIN RAINING! .. finally

What are you thinking about right now?
- my bed sheets in the wash

When was the last time you intentionally made someone cry?
- the time i told my little brother that when he grows up he has to be a priest

What are you doing tomorrow?
- hopefully whats his face .. and dinner with Ahmed

What are you doing tonight?
- CLEAN CLEAN AND CLEAN .. and dance haha

Could you date someone taller than you?
- sure but what asian would be taller than ME?

Next time you will go to the doctor?
- hopefully SOON.. if i can get my ass to wake up

When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in the face?
- at work.. don't bug me when i'm counting my til! LOL

What are you craving?
- ... pineapples

How many people have you talked to today?
- i have no clue lol

What’s in your purse?
- a shit load of shenanigans

What kind of milk do you drink?
- I like skim but my dad always buys 2%

Do you have the same name as any of your relatives?
- LOL UM? no

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
- it happens

What were you doing at midnight friday night?
- on the phone and getting ready for bed

Upset about anything?
- in a way

Are you currently smiling?
- no i'm really concentrating on this!! LOL

Would you rather eat potatoes or rice for a whole year?
- i'm asian, take a wild guess

Have a car of your own?
- when i get my license.. so .. not anytime soon LOL

Who was the last to give you a hug?
- shannon

Do you often go to the movies?
- actually, no

Last time you cried?
- a month ago

Is there something you want to tell someone?
- all the time

Miss anyone?
- unfortunately

Last person/people you held a conversation with other than family?
- the usual's

How often are you online?
- never ... but when i actually am, its late at night

What school do you go to?
- fuck you LOL

Know anyone in the military?
- random question but yeah

What did you do today?
- hehehe

Are you a flirt?
- no

Do you like listening to your music at a loud or reasonable volume?
- LOUD

Do you think the way you feel affects what kind of music you choose to listen to?
- nope, if it was then i guess i'm a very happy person

Do you find it funny when couples consider themselves an "item"?
- not really

Last person you liked before the current person you're interested in:
- no comment

What color do you think best matches your current mood?
- gray .. cleaning my room on a rainy day

What kind of phone do you have?
- samsung

What does the toothpaste you have look like when you squeeze it out of the tube?
- white .. i prefer the blues one though 8-)

Someone you haven't seen in a while that you want to see right now?
- that would be a shitload of people

What color was the last hoodie you wore?
- brown

Do you prefer hoodies or jackets?
- hoodies

Is it day or night out?
- day

Last person that listened to you vent?
- ahmed

If you won the lottery, name ONE thing you would do with that money:
- give it to my parents

Where do you want to be right now?
- his house

Are you currently procrastinating?
- omg yes

When you know you're in the wrong, do you admit it or are you stubborn?
- admit it

Caught in a lie, would you admit to it or insist that it wasn't true?
- i don't know i haven't lied about anything

Would you cheat if you knew you wouldn't be caught?
- on a test, yeah lol

Am I depressing you with those questions?
- who are you?

Diagnosed with mental illnesses?
- DONT THINK SO! lol

How old are you?
- eighteen

How do people see you?
- a crazy, random motherfucker who laughs a lot .. =DDD

Best thing that happened today?
- I DID LAUNDRY BY MYSELF!.. with my dad standing by me LOL

Best thing that happened yesterday?
- a lot!

Waiting for anything?
- laundry and.. myself

Sleep on your back or stomach?
- stomach.. always

Are you a cuddler?
- love it .. if its not with a person, its a pillow or a blanket

What would I find if I looked UNDER your bed?
- nothing! its actually clean under there

Something that happened on friday?
- i can't remember

What were you doing before this survey?
- laundry!

What will you do after the survey?
- back to cleaning

Marriage or living together?
- both!

What shirt are you wearing now?
- american eagle

Do you sing?
- randomly cuz i have outbursts

Do you talk about your feelings or hide them?
- i'm starting to let them aaaall out

Is there something you regret and wish you could take back?
- getting a small instead of an extra small :@!

First thing you do when you wake up?
- check if hes still on the phone

Ever had surgery?
- yes

Last argument you got into with?
- last night cuz ahmed was being a catty

What's one good thing about your best friend?
- everyone wishes they had a friend like him

When you shut off your alarm clock, do you tend to fall back asleep?
- always!

If you were given the chance to take care of a monkey for a weekend, would you?
- HAHAHA i already have one and i love it

What is the current advertisement on the side of the screen?
- inventnow.org ...

What are you looking forward to in the next few months?
- EVERYTHINGG!!

Who are you texting?
- i never text

It's Wednesday afternoon, where are you usually?
- it's always random

Honestly, if you could have ANYONE in the world, who would it be?
- ellen degeneres as a friend!

How do you feel about your hair?
- messy but it works LOL

What movie is in your DVD player?
- definitely, maybe

If you could move away, no questions asked, where would you move?
- new frikkin york

How much do looks matter to you in a guy/girl?
- it's not a big deal

What would you change about your life right now?
- thats for me to know and you to find out

What’s the best feeling in the world?
- being loved and feeling happy

changing for the better

I miss the feeling of being happy with myself when I was with you.

"D & R"

feel like shit.

i hate the feeling of being jealous.

i credit every jealous catty out there who had to put up with... being jealous. i admire thee.

anyways. training at work today was ok... i wasn't listening as usual
and i went to boston pizza and our server looked like a dinosaur so i HAD to tip her good.

ef em el.

- hes back with her because her profile picture shows it.. and i've been stressing about a meaningless text he gave me when i should know already that i'm only his piece of meat.


..... and what sucks even more is that shes really hot. and she has nice hair to the point where it probably didnt give her time and trouble when she was using her curling iron..

fuck. me.

i went to avaeda by myself and made friends with the sales rep cuz i took so long to pick either THE SYRUM OR THE CREAM but she stood by me regardless <3.. i should have tipped her..
the sales rep at avaeda reminded me of a cool colourful slipper.. and i made her laugh a couple of times..
i should have been born a guy
the sales rep underscore slipper girl at avaeda was flirting with the other sales rep (WHO WAS A MAN) and i asked him if he liked his job and if he was happy and he said 'YEAH BECAUSE (I FORGOT HER NAME) IS WORKING SO ITS EXTREMELY FUN'.. and slipper girl started gushing and giggling.. it felt like a 90s chick flick
.. they so like each other .. aww work drama.
i have no internet so life is somewhat meaningless right now
i honestly dont know if im spelling aveada right ..A-VAY-DUH
i keep telling myself that im gonna quit UP but i keep chickening out.. i miss liezel =(
.. and eating mcdonalds during break
AND SONY AND HER FIERCE ATTITUDE :(
uhk im never gonna quit now ..
i surprisingly woke up early today so i got to enjoy the rain WHICH LASTED AN HOUR ONLY.. i swear its spring.. why isnt it raining a lot!?
i finally watched disturbia so now i wanna like.. stay in my room and look out the window with binoculars and watch people change.. but i got stuck with gangster neighbours who grow weed outside and french neighbours who always look miserable yet grows the most vibrant colourful flowers in their backyard..
the dead dog near my bus stop is still there.. im getting used to it now.. when i first saw it i remember nearly fainting
alex works at AKA SUSHI so now im getting pimped with all this free... sushi ..
JAS is so fun .. he opened up to me and told me his feelings about life and prosperity.. and said how sometimes he feels like hes not good enough and how people think hes too nice .. jas is the security guy at my work btw.. LOL
i wanna be like those joggers you drive past every morning.
i cringe at slutty young girls on fb
WHAT THE HECK IS HANNA DOING WITH HER LIFE?!
i made a bracelet that says AHMED N SUSANNAH ..
im so bored right now all i wanna do is play sims and kill families
my co worker aaron just called so i'll have to end this short now..
ok.. bye

i honestly feel like i'm stuck in a 60 year old males body - minus all the penis
my manager keeps looking at me really closely and it makes me self conscious cuz i haven't done my eyebrows
i've been getting super tired and i've been blaming it on my period than the fact that i simply just dont sleep at all
i cooked uninspiring pasta today and it was a disgrace cuz it tasted like clouds
after a year of living in my sisters room, i finally had the courage to take her stuff down that was hanging off my walls .. now everything's just white and bland.. like my uninspiring pasta
i tend to lose weight whenever i drink too much water
ahmed is at work cleaning coffee urns. hes secretly frustrated and probably wants to cry right now cuz he really didnt want to take that double shift..he still owes me 20 dollars
i think i'm ready to reactivate my facebook due to my decreasing love for david
eternal sunshine of the spotless mind got me emo.. and gave me a headache due to the psychotic acting
rin on th rox is annoying when they're famous.
YES I SAID DAVID .. i dont know why i feel like i dont care about him anymore.. its good but it makes me sad in a way
jason chooses molly in the end of the bachelor .. but proposes to melissa first... i dunno watch it
i honestly dont know what hannas doing in life .. i wanna ask her if shes happy
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE IS MY MOVIE
my brother is gonna buy some big flat screen thing in his room so he can feel like he has swagger
the best song right now is bette davis eyes .. i've been blasting it for two straight days, i think my sister in the other room is starting to think i'm depressed
oo i found bette davis eyes in my kareoke book .. for 2 seconds i felt like there was good in the world
i need to pee
I REALLY HOPE I'M NOT WORKING ON TUESDAY.. "in my other job"
i threw 3 garbage bags of clothes and a whole garbage bag full of pants... lucky cousins
i'm too scared to quit urban planet .. they always spell my name wrong
i have no bed sheets right now
i really hate annoying boys.. the ones that think they're the nicest guys in the planet and say they arent like other guys ..like really, shut up
its so weird how i have to reapply and send my resume at st.johns when i've been working there for 3 and a half years already
dr.phil and ellen degeneres makes my day .. dont like how i always have to miss it
i'm scared of sarah tan
sometimes i worry about what people think about my over exaggerated, sarcastic, random comments i say .. and the weird questions i ask .. oh well
you can actually see the floor in my room
the economy makes me sad
ahmed pushed someone down the stairs when he was younger cuz this kid called him an immigrant
i was talking to this really funny indian guy
i'm really sad about my pasta.. i cooked so much and now i have to eat it
i love notorious big
i'm gonna go to work tomorrow looking like a hot mess
i miss leizele.. and i really dont know how to spell her name right .. LEE-ZELL
i really want cookies and creme icecream.. faaackk

i never wanna eat pasta again.

i'm always messy .. it actually makes life worst

i had a random talk with steph last night ..
NO i'm not emo.. iim just incredibly bored to the point where i make the stupid, smallest things into a big deal to me..
so dont think im depressed.. cuz honestly im not.. actually when i leave st.johns in april i will be.. a bit..

but in the meantime, LET ME LISTEN TO CLAY AIKEN IN PEACE. (i actually dont know why i'm listening to him)

FLAW 1

I procrastinate.



.... it is 2:30. my attempt to fall asleep. WML!

"NEVER PROCRASTINATE AGAIN!"

but I'm Jenzo and Jenzo does stupid stuff like that! but yes, i know that is no excuse..

I'm praying that i can pull through this. I need too .. I HAAAAVE TO ..

so i made a rule...

and that is to breathe more .. cuz all i do is panic like i have some cork up my ass

i'm scared =(



sorry... had to let that out of me...